An update, but different than my most recent Facebook update...

I think my mom isn't hearing what the nurses are telling her when she calls for updates. Today, I reposted a status update from her Facebook onto my own profile, then I called the nurse to get specifics. Where my mom said, "...responding a bit to commands" the nurse said, "no, not at all". He is coughing a bit more with being 100% off of the sedation medications, and responding more to painful stimuli, these are only brain-stem reflexes. Nothing purposeful, or hearing a command, processing it in his brain and following though with it.

Yes, he's been only off of the sedation for 3 hours when we had the updates and because his kidneys aren't working properly it could take him a few hours to completely clear it from his system, I can't help but be concerned by the blood clots in the front and back of his brain.

She's grasping at every tiny thread of hope and yes, the fact that he's responding, even if they are just brain-stem reflexes is a bit better than he was doing yesterday. The whole "not knowing" anything just stinks. And that's what I'm having the hardest time with. On one hand, I want to prepare myself for life without him, but on the other hand, he's still "here" and I want so bad to hope for the best. But, this is in Heavenly Father's hands. When my dad's mission is through, then it is through. I just hope it doens't have to be just now.

The next few days we'll be able to know more, I think.

I saw my dad today....

It's 1am, just got back from hanging out with my mom and visiting my dad. I was anxious all morning to go down there to see him, but scared at what I might see. I was used to the tubes, wires and whatnot. That wasn't worrying me. I was worried about him not being able to respond. I called the hospital last night for an update and they said that although they can get a pain response in his feet, they aren't getting success with his arms. Then they said they were going to do a CT scan to see if they could tell what they were dealing with. Yikes. That freaked me out. A lot. They said they'd have the results in the morning. I wanted to get down to the hospital to be with my mom when they gave her the results of the scan. I wanted to be there for her, yet I was stalling, afraid to find out myself.

I finally made it down there and my mom told me that he has some clots in his brain. Not big, not small, but average size, I guess. There's one in the front, one in the back. Quite common after all he's been through with his heart.

But, they have been lowering the sedative gradually. He started out at 60 micrograms and now he's down to 15 (they bumped him up to 20 at night because he was struggling against the ventilator).

While I was there, I watched them insert the nasal feeding tube. Boy, was he grimacing with that! Furrowing his eyebrows and wiggling his feet. My mom and I were talking about stuff while they were working on him. Then, after they had gone, I held his hand and talked to him. Maybe it was my imagination, but I really think his hand slowly closed around mine. Sort of how a baby will grasp your finger if you place it in the palm of their hand. I tried this with my big 10 year old son a few months ago, and it still works with him too. Maybe its a reflex thing, maybe he knew it was me. It is almost an imperceptible slight pressure. I noticed the same thing when my husband was coming out of sedation after his heart attack.

Another interesting thing that my mom noticed was that he doesn't do his foot thing (wiggling it, like I mentioned a few posts ago) when she's not there. As soon as she's there and starts talking to the nurses, his foot starts moving. We're both pretty confident now that he must be aware of who is there with him. She's going to read to him tomorrow when she visits. Oh, and about the no reactions to pain in his arms? My mom noticed that he'd flinch when they'd give him his insulin shot in his arm.

I've sort of been a mess all day yesterday and all day today. But, right now, I'm feeling ok. My mom is handling things so well because she refuses to "go there" with her thoughts. She undertands that because of the clots, he may have his vision affected, his memory and emotions as well. But, she said she can deal with that. She just takes it one hour at a time and revels in the little positive things she sees and hears about from the nurses. That is what I need to start doing. It's just that I was so expecting things to follow the exact same pattern with my dad as they did with Bill. But, I was reminded that Bill was 25 years younger when his heart attack happened and it will take a bit longer for my dad to bounce back.

It really, really did me a lot of good to see him today. I'll be going back next week. I'm glad it is Spring break so I am able to do this.

Another non-update....

He has been taken off of the hypothermia protocol and allowed to warm up. He has been taken off of the sedation, but has not woken up yet. I've been googling and found that it can take 3 days or more to wake up from sedation after a heart attack. I believe that it has been about 6 hours since the sedation was stopped. So, we wait and pray.

One more update...

A reassuring tidbit that I found out earlier today: My mom said that when my dad is falling asleep, or going through his sleep/dream cycles at night, his leg twitches. He has done this forever she said. She noticed that while he's still sedated (not paralyzed, like I thought), he's doing his leg thing. So normal. She witnessed this earlier today when she sat with him in his room.

And yet another piece of encouraging news....he was responding to stimuli--being poked and what not, and he's fluttering his eyes as if he's trying to wake up, but can't because he has to still be sedated because of the cold protocol. But, that is encouraging and is helping us to be able to sleep at night. :)

Dad Update...

Pretty much a non-update still, but that's ok. When I called this morning, they said they were able to get him onto the hypothermia protocol well within the window of time that they needed to. They did the heart catheterization thing to find the blockage and repair it with a stent. They did find that his lungs were absolutely full of fluid and said that when the heart is compromised like during a heart attack, you are more succeptible to pneumonia. So, they are treating it like MRSA (methyl resistant staphylococcus aureus---the really, really nasty bacteria that's hard to treat) and hitting it with the toughest antibiotics they've got.

So, after the cath lab procedure, they sedated him and gave him something to paralyze him so that he wouldn't shiver during the hypothermia protocol. The way they do it at this hospital is to put chilled fluid directly into his veins. His body temperature was lowered to 33 degrees celsius within a short period of time. The cooled state of the body buys the organs extra time to heal from being deprived from oxygen. They paralyze him to keep him from shivering because shivering raises the body temperature.

After he has been "cold" for 24 hours, they will begin to try to wake him. This process should start about 4am Thursday morning. If they can bring him out of unconsciousness, he will likely start responding about 4 hours later, I believe.

He got a priesthood blessing last night that blessed him with the strength to deal with the ordeal. Through this blessing we were all also blessed with strength and comfort.

So, that's it for now. I'll update as soon as I know more. Thank you so much for your prayers. They have really, really helped. I feel calm and comforted right now. A bit worried because I'm not sure how this will turn out, but I'm not freaking out outright just now. :)

If you could not mention it on my FB wall for now, that would be great.

Pleading....

I'm pleading with my Heavenly Father right now and hoping that if it is His will, my earthly father's life will be spared for a little while longer. My dad had another heart attack today. The scenario was similar to Bill's heart attack almost 2 years ago, except he didn't collapse at home, he collapsed in the emergency room. He became unconscious and they had to do chest compressions, my mom said. They did an angiogram and found a blockage, but tomorrow they'll run an echocardiogram to see the extent of the damage. They were a bit concerned that he didn't wake up right away after the procedure, but they are doing hypothermic therapy where they circulate cold fluid through his veins to keep his body temperature cool so that his brain can heal. Because his heart stopped (the reason they were doing compressions), his brain was deprived of oxygen. They have no way of knowing the extent of his anoxic brain injury at this point. They will have to wait for him to regain consciousness.

My sister-in-law Mandi had to call me to tell me the news and it was so hard on her. That isn't the type of news you want to have to deliver to anyone. She said that while she initially got the information from my mom, her son Kaden was standing right there and heard everything. It really shook him up. I don't want to have to tell my kids, either. My parents made it a goal to be the best grandparents, ever and they have totally exceeded this goal. Their grandkids love them so, so, so much. They live for weekend sleepovers to be with them. Weeklong sleepovers are treat to revel in.

Right now, I feel like I want to throw up, but I can't. My heart is stuck in my throat. My knees feel weak. I'm worried because of the thought that crossed my mind today at about 4:30. We saw an ambulance rushing north. Since Bill's dad lives north of us in Erda my thoughts immediately turned to him. I thought, I hope he's ok, but if he's not we'll be able to have the funeral during spring break. Writing this down seems like a very selfish thought. It is so stressful for me to have to get a substitute teacher. I was extremely grateful that Bill's mom's funeral was during a Thanksgiving break. I was also thinking all last week how important it was that I be able to go to a movie with my parents this past Saturday, you know, "just in case". Since he was so sick with cellulitis, kidney problems and a mild heart attack the middle of February, the feeling that he may not be with us very long has been forefront on my mind. I hate that feeling. I hate the "premonitions" I seem to get. I really, really hope these weren't premonitions.

I'm not sure if anyone reads my blog anymore, but if you do happen to read this, could you spare a prayer for my dad?

Getting excited for summer...

I'm now a little more than halfway through the school year. I guess it's about time I posted some stuff! This year is still going well! This time of the year is great because I really, really like the stuff I'm teaching. In biology, we're going to touch a little bit on the some of the kingdoms in nature as well as some specific classes (arthropods, reptiles, amphibians, etc). We'll be doing dissections and other fun stuff. In Earth Systems, we'll be delving into ecology and ecosystems a bit, some oceanography and other topics on water and maybe geology, if we have time.

The reason I'm soooo excited for summer is that I'll be taking some week-long classes (8-5, or longer) to get my environmental science endorsement. I've signed up for a geology one at the U of U and an ecology one in Moab. Fun! I've also signed up for an inquiry-based teaching class through BYU in which we'll explore the Great Basin. Hopefully, I'll be accepted into all three!

A New Year.....

Last school year was incredibly hard. It was my first year teaching high school--and I didn't have a classroom of my own to teach in. My husband was recovering from a heart attack. My mother-in-law passed away.

This year is so incredibly different. I started school happy and looking forward to teaching and maintaining order in my own classroom. I wasn't nervous at.all. My family is healthy. My children love their teachers and love being in 4th grade. I'm feeling respect from the students in my classes.

I feel incredibly grateful that I was able to plow through last year and stick with it. I was >this close< to throwing in the towel. But, I made it. I am very, very happy.

Hopefully, I'll be able to blog on a more regular basis from now on!

Something to think about....

Lost Generation....

Tagged....

....by a dear friend!!!

Q: What was school like when you were little?
A: Well, my mom made me wear a dress or skirt every day except for gym day and in the winter I had to wear pants *under* my dress or skirt. UGH! She loosened up after about 3rd or 4th grade. I remember climbing the jungle gyms, hanging upside down on the bars and doing 'penny drops' (on gym day, of course, when I was wearing pants!) during recess. I remember the art teacher coming in once a week, going to music class once a week and gym class once a week. I remember reading groups, having trouble with times tables and loving library time. I hated going to the lost and found because the box was in the boiler room and those boiler things scared me! It also smelled of that orange shavings stuff that custodians use to throw on.....um...."wet clean ups". So did my hat or gloves that I found in the lost and found box.

I remember my classrooms as bright, cheerful places. I loved all of my teachers except my 3rd grade teacher.

There were two K-4 elementaries in my town, 1 5-6th grade elementary where both elementary schools' kids were combined, 1 middle school (7-9th) and 1 high school.

Q: What was a memorable experience from your childhood? How did you feel about it?
A: The most memorable experience was probably when my family traveled from Michigan to Washington DC to be sealed as a family in 1977. My brother was 3 and I was almost 10. It was the most beautiful, peaceful experience. I remember my brother asking my dad, "Why are mom and Anne crying?" He looked so adorable in his little white suit! We also got to tour around DC with my granny, a non-member, while my parents were getting their work done and doing sessions. So much fun! The Washington DC temple is my favorite temple, next to the Manti temple where my husband and I were sealed.

Q: What has changed since your childhood about your local or national community?
A: Since I've started teaching high school, the biggest thing I've noticed is the lack of respect for authority. When I was in school--elementary, middle and high school--there were a few kids that didn't respect authority, but for the most part, we listened to our teachers and didn't talk back. I was always afraid to get in trouble! Petrified!

Another thing that seems to have changed is parents actually having to make "dates" for their children to play with other children. My mom called, or I called and said, "Can Ami come over and play?" or they called my mom and asked if I could come over. I was never allowed to ask if *I* could come over to play. I miss for my kids the freedom that kids used to have playing all day long in the summer at the other end of the street, tromping in the woods nearby without parents having to worry.

If you are reading this, consider your self tagged, unless you were previously tagged with this same request. In that case, I'll go to your blog and read your answers!

Thankful...

I'm thankful for so many things. This has been a really rough year and a half. But, filled with blessings as well. Reaching back in time...in September 2007, our kiddoes were baptized as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I can't believe I didn't blog about it last year! It was a wonderful day, full of happy tears of joy. I was worried about the logistics of having twins baptized because I wanted both kids to be able to witness each other's baptism. But, it worked out...C was baptized first, then she waited on the landing of the font, dripping, but wrapped in towels, as J was baptized. It was a wonderful experience.

In, November, 2007, my Granny died after a long battle with Alzheimer's. She is finally with her dear husband who died 60 years ago.

In March, our sweet Pumpkin died. But, in April, we had the best family vacation ever! We went to Florida to my cousin's wedding and we were able to go to see some sights like Sea World and Universal Studios. It was wonderful spending time with cousins, my aunt and uncle, my brother and his family and my parents.

In July, my husband had a heart attack, but survived and is doing amazingly well! In July, I also found out that I was to become a full-time biology teacher at our local high school. Finally! I was able to use my college degree! I will have my teaching certificate at the end of 3 years. Yay!

In August, I started teaching. Holy cow. I had no idea what I was in for!! This is the hardest job I have ever done! But, the blessings from this job are so awesome. I am able to be home when our kids come home from school and we will have the whole summer off together!

In November, B's mom passed away after a long battle with a Parkinson's-like dementia. Very bittersweet. But, we are grateful that she is no longer suffering.

December is finally here and we are grateful to have the gospel of Jesus Christ, our home, our kids, our health and our jobs. Hopefully, 2009 will be the best year yet!!

A bit of catching up...

A lot has happened in my life in the past month. I need to get this down and I'm finally able to do it without crying, I think!

Here we go...

On Sunday, July 20, 2008 my husband collapsed as a result of a near-fatal heart attack. It was about 7:45 in the evening and he had just returned from a walk. He seemed to be walking quickly and seemed a bit winded when he came into our room. I was at the top of our bed thumbing through a biological supply catalog and he sat down at the foot of our bed to read a novel on his laptop. Within a few minutes of him sitting down, I noticed that he was snoring. I couldn't believe that he had fallen asleep so quickly, so I turned and said, "Hey! You can't fall asleep so fast!" That's when I noticed that he was snoring with his eyes open. He was unresponsive and I immediately called 911.

I figured that he was still breathing since he was making that snoring sound, so but I wasn't able to reposition him in case I needed to do CPR because he had slumped into our closet, leaning on a stack of blankets. I sent the kids outside to flag down the police. His lips turned blue just as the police came through the door. It took them a minute or so to get him out of our room and into the hall, but they were able to start rescue breathing. I then went outside to check on the kids and the EMS arrived. They were in there quite a while with him. Later I found out that they had to shock his heart 4 times.

When he was stablized, they took him to our local hospital where he remained unconscious. His brother and a male nurse were eventually able to give him a blessing. He was told that he would heal. Soon after that, they lifeflighted him to a hospital in "the big city". J was very jealous that his dad got to fly in a helicopter, but we assured him that Daddy wouldn't remember a thing, so he really didn't need to be jealous, lol. So, B's brother drove me to the hospital in the city and my visiting teacher drove my kids and my SIL to her house so they could spend the night at her house. My dad was driving up to meet us at the hospital.

Once at the hospital, it was just a lot of waiting around. Finally, at about 12:30am, the doctor came in and said that a clot had blocked one of his coronary arteries about 90%. They placed a stent there, and noted that his other arteries weren't blocked. They also had to keep him sedated and lower his temperature to about 94 degrees because that has been shown to help heal the brain when it has been deprived of oxygen (we know it was deprived of oxygen for at least a minute, maybe longer). So, we waited. I stayed with him through the night. The nurses were wonderful--letting me change the wet washcloths on him as they warmed up. He had ice packs all over and fans blowing on him, but his temperature never did drop to 94 degrees. The closest it got was about 95.5, I believe.

My dad took my home at about noon on Monday, and we brought the kids home. I got a phone call at about 5 pm saying that they had brought him out of sedation and were letting him warm up, as he wasn't showing signs of dropping his temp any further, but he was responding well to stimuli and he had opened his eyes and was looking around. So, probably against my better judgment, the kids and I went up to the hospital to see him. We were disappointed to see that he was still sleeping. But, all three of us noticed that when we slipped our hands in his right hand we felt a constant, steady pressure. We weren't sure if it was a coincidence or not, but it was a teeny bit reassuring. So, we went home, a bit disappointed. I was crying, but told the kids that my eyes were watering because of the wind or something like that. When we were almost home, the nurse called and said, "I thought I should call and give you some good news before you go to sleep tonight. A bit after you left, we woke him up and he responded to every one of our commands--tracking a light, wiggling his toes, squeezing our hand. I just thought you should know." Oh my. She must have been inspired to call us. We all slept very well that night.

Tuesday morning, we went up to the hospital. He was still in the cardiac ICU, but was sitting up. They removed the ventilator tube and he was finally able to talk. The kids got to see him and hug him and kiss him. My dad was there too, as he was going to take the kids down to his house to stay with them, and also with my brother and his wife and kids for the remainder of the week.

Throughout that day, and Wednesday he was exhibiting some short-term memory problems. This was probably a result of his brain being deprived of oxygen, and possibly a side effect of the medication. He had broken a tooth when they had first intubated him and that was driving him batty. But, he was alive and doing well. They moved him to a cardiac monitoring unit--more or less a regular room and he was able to get up and walk short distances within the room.

By Thursday, they had me walk the halls with him and determined that he was ready to be discharged from the hospital. WHAT????? I was no where near ready!!! They had all the monitoring stuff at the hospital. I had none of that stuff! How could I sleep? He snores, and that was the sound that sent chills down my spine, as that's what he was doing when he had his heart attack. Somehow I made it through that first night, and jumped at the chance to get him on a sleep study on Friday night to check for sleep apnea. I knew he'd be on monitors and that he'd be ok.

As the week progressed, I finally had an epiphany. I was stressed about being there for him and saving him if I needed to. I was afraid to leave him, because I wouldn't be there if "it" happened again. Finally, I realized that it wasn't up to me. Heavenly Father made sure someone was there because it wasn't his time to go. If it happened again, and it still wasn't his time, then He would again place someone there to save him. Once I realized that, I was able to place that burden of "lifesaver" squarely back on Heavenly Father's shoulders, where it belonged. After that, I was able to begin to heal.

It has now been over a month now. He is doing amazingly well. He is going to cardiac rehab 2-3 times a week and has had no issues whatsoever. Our family has truly been blessed. I am forever grateful that in this instance God's will happened to match my own.

I've always liked the number three....

Stolen from Ana:

JOYS:
1. Listening to my husband's heartbeat.
2. My children's smile.
3. Knowledge that we will be a family forever.

FEARS:
1. Anything that causes my children to fear.
2. Spiders.
3. Falling, even attached to a parachute or a bungee.

GOALS:
1. Become a fit family.
2. Do well as a high school teacher.
3. Continue to get our finances under control.

COLLECTIONS/OBSESSIONS:
1. Pink depression glass
2. Teacup and saucers
3. Franciscan Ivy Dinnerware--just like Lucy Arnez had in "I Love Lucy". There's just something about 30's, 40's and 50's pottery and glassware.

RANDOM FACTS:
1. Mustard canNOT touch the cheese in my sandwiches and cheeseburgers.
2. I love the smell of lilacs. It reminds me of sitting on my roof by the lilac bushes when I was a teenager.
3. I honestly believe that I can do a better job editing our local paper than the paid editors can do. It drives me batty to see so many errors in a newspaper.

Feel free to use this in your blog, too!

And now for the final episode of.....

.....Extreme Makeover.....RosebudzEdition!!

Blogwriter....Post those pics!!!!



















I really like how the colors turned out. I'm not quite so happy with the quality of his work, and really not happy with how long he took to do it. He said that it would take 2-3 weeks, and it took just over 7 weeks. Oh well. It's done. I like it. Next project---the yard!!


Oh, and just in case you forgot what it looked like before, here it is in the midst of being scraped:

An empty clothesline.....

....is a lonely clothesline!




I love hanging laundry on the clothesline. Can't you just smell the sunshine? This is what sunshine smells like.



In all honesty, up until 2 weeks ago, it had been several years since I've hung laundry outside to dry. But, the heating element on our dryer went out and we haven't gotten around to replacing it. No worries, though. It's kind of nice putting one piece of clothing up on the line at a time. I like the smell of the wooden clothes pins. I like these clothespins the best. They are the kind my mom had. I like how they slip on an off so easily.



The store was out of these kind, so when I needed more I had to buy these. I don't particularly like to have to pinch them to hang and take down clothes.



But, when you need clothespins, you just have to make do.

My clotheslines are awesome!! The were put up in the 50's when this house was built. The poles are sturdy, thick metal and a nice man with some extra wire attached new lines for me. (I think something at my next door neighbor's house fell on my cotton rope lines one year and broke them---before he had this cinderblock wall built. So, to make up for that, he had someone put up the new wires). There are 5 lines and the run nearly the entire length of my yard. I can easily hang 4 loads of laundry on them, provided I have enough clothespins.



I don't know...there just something about seeing clothes lined up on a clothesline that makes me happy. That, and when I hold each article up to my nose as I take them down and inhale deeply....ummmmmmmm. Yep....even these socks.

And a little more progress....

Only one more color to add!!! Wahoo!!!

And now another edition of.....

Home Makeover: RosebudzEdition!

We're still making progress! The house exterior should be completely finished this week. Yay!!!

Happy Birthday, America!!

Here's a few photos from our 4th of July Celebration. I even tried my hand at taking pictures of fireworks.

First, the parade. I think the draw of the parade is the anticipation of candy, not necessarily the cool things that drive by or fly over, although J was quite anxious that we wouldn't have the flyover. I managed to photograph one of the two planes.







Then on to the fireworks! I messed up the evening a bit as I was mistaken in thinking that some of the rides (bounce houses) would still be up and running while people were waiting for the fireworks to start. So, we've got a bit of boredom and attitude from the male child. But once the fireworks started, all was forgiven! (These were my kids' first "upclose" fireworks show--they had only witnessed them from afar previously.)





And now, for the fireworks!! It was so fun seeing them right overhead...

Good morning students. Welcome to biology!

Yay!!! That's what I'll be saying to my class in a little over a month! I emailed the principals of the two local high schools last Monday. Got a reply back from one the next day saying that they had no openings at their school. Got a call this past Friday from the principal of the other school saying that he'd like to set up an interview for Monday (yesterday) and I got a call from him today saying that he'd like to offer me the job! Holy cow....I'm so excited!!! And get this....a principal from one of the jr high schools called and said they were interested in me too. Oh well! I'll have to call him back in the morning to tell him that I accepted the other position.

Woo hoo!!

Read here to see where this journey began...

In August, 2007 I was accepted into the Alternative Routes to Licensure program. In March, 2008, I turned my my application to the district for both substitute teaching and for teaching biology. In May, I gave notice to my current employer that my last day would be July 31, 2008. Then, I interviewed and got the job this week.

I'm so thankful for the Lord's hand in this whole process.

I can take better pictures than these!!

Maybe I want a job as a hospital nursery photographer!

A friend of mine mentioned that she had perhaps the worst hospital nursery photos of her twins. I said that we should start a gallery because I couldn't believe how awful a newborn picture could turn out when I first saw mine. As you can see, this photographer was 2 for 2. (You may need to click on the images to get the full effect).


I mean, come on! Why couldn't they have at least smoothed their hair? It looks like they just ran a towel over their heads. Their eyes are slimy with ointment and they didn't even bother to ask us if we had cute outfits to put them in. All they got to wear were those standard issue t-shirts and blankets.

Yikes...I'm getting peeved all over again. Time to cue the meditation music.....