A few more days....

My dad just has a few more days left on Earth. The damage to his brain due the several strokes he had following his heart attack was just too severe. His kidneys and heart were left more damaged than we realized as well.

Looking back, I did have premonitions. Last Christmas, I made sure to capture my dad dressed as Santa on camera as he handed out the jammies and fleece blankets that the grandkids get every Christmas. When I went to the movies the weekend before last with my parents, I thought that as I kissed him goodbye, it may be the last time.

We think he knew, too. He was working double time to get things done. Mom told him to slow down, and that he was retired, but just kept plugging along. Several years ago, he painted "Kneeling Santa" figurines for my brother and I and my mom. He was in a real hurry this last year, to get 4 more completed--one for each of his grandkids.

I though I feel at peace (sort of) and understand that this must be, I'm still so, so incredibly disappointed that he won't be able have a long happy retirement with my mom (he hasn't even been retired for a year yet), that he won't be able to take the grandkids on any more fishing trips, or hold them and tease them. I was also feeling feelings of anger last night. Anger at the whole situation.

They will be moving him to a hospice room today and tomorrow we'll be able to take the kiddoes up there to have them say goodbye. They think that he can breathe on his own without the ventilator, so they will try to remove that so the kids don't have to see that. Even though he can breathe on his own, his other organs won't be able to support him for more than a few days.

I'm grateful for the time that we had with him, but terribly sad and disappointed that he will be leaving us so soon.

Thank you again for all of your love, thoughts and prayers.